Good Dog Lookin for New Home
Guest Post by Nerone, the Dog
Boy, I tell you what! She Who Must Be Obeyed is all the time tellin me about ‘Poor Max doesn’t get this or that or whatever’ (Max is that bit of fluff that lives downstairs that pretends to be a dog) She says he doesn’t get fed regular. And he doesn’t get put on a leash and takin for a walk. And that he’s all deprived and that I have it good. Humph!
It has just been all downhill this month. First she says ‘it’s rainin’ and ‘am I gonna be fast?’ on our walk. Well, now, what an insult! I can shake a leg as fast any dog. And then when it’s not rainin she’s been cuttin our walk short because ‘it’s too wet’. Just because there’s a little standing water in the tractor tracks and sometimes it freezes over she just doesn’t want to walk that way. And then even if it’s not rainin she won’t let me sit outside because there is mud. I’m tellin you, I look so bad. My colors are fading. I haven’t been out in the sun for so long.
And then all of a sudden they start goin out every night at 5:00. For 2 long weeks they have been doin this! Rushin my 4:30 long walk. And they stay gone until after 7:00. Now everyone knows, I am suppose to eat at 6:00. On the dot! And they’re up and gone!!!!! I don’t care if it’s somthin about Ben’s fiscal theraptadi. (I think it has somethin to do with the fiscal cliff that David Letterman keeps talkin about. Yeah that’s another thing, I didn’t get to watch any David Letterman this week because they have gotten up and out and gone every morning this week. One morning before the sun even came up. I just stayed in bed. I’m not taking my morning walk in the dark!) So then when they finally do come home at 7:00 I have to remind her that it is PAST my dinner time. She should’n be doin things like turning on ovens or pouring a glass of wine. FEED THE DOG! FEED THE DOG FIRST THING!
And then she has the NERVE to say that I’m underfoot. Whatever that is? Just because I stretch out on the kitchen floor to remind her to FEED THE DOG! She thinks I’m in the way and that’s why she broke her favorit beer glass. Sheww weeee! Totally not my fault! I just don’t take up that much space.
Well, things had better improve FAST or I’m gonna start lookin! How much does a plane ticket cost? Will you send me one?
Otherwise, I think I’m just gonna lay on the bed until Spring!