Man, I’ve had a hard winter…
Guest Post: by Nerone, the dog
All it did in January was rain. I mean rain and rain and rain. If it wasn’t raining She Who Must Be Obeyed won’t let me sit outside ‘because it was muddy!’ And then she’d get irritated because I sat around the house all day with my Ben, eating bones and watching TV. And, finally, we would go for a walk, but of course it was raining. She would get all upset because I got a little wet and dried off on their bed. I mean what is that big spread up there for? Then my friend Max moved away.
Anyway, February came and they started all this moving business. I don’t like change. And I don’t like moving. I tried to tell She this. I threw up on their bed a couple of times. I was hoping that She would get the message and just let me go stay at the dog spa like last time, but noooooo. And She took almost the whole month to move. Oh, I didn’t know if I was coming or going. Half the house was downstairs and half the house was upstairs. For a few nights my bowl was on the floor! Can you imagine! Finally, She got my table down here but it still took a week before She found the table linens. It was like living in a third world country. So uncivilized!
See… no tablecloth!
Finally it stopped raining so that I could go outside and work. But it is hard being all by myself. This place is big and now that my friend Max is gone, well those cats of Marie-Claude…. ohhh those cats. They are all the time having friends over. And they just roam around like they own the place. They got no respect! I try to tell them ‘whats what’. But then She comes out and yells at me.
And then there was that night a few weeks ago. We were still upstairs and She woke me up. She could hear noise but couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. Well, the next morning we figured it out.
MURDER! RIGHT IN OUR YARD!
She and I were finishing our walk when we came upon the scene. She said I was just like a motorist (whatever that is) coming upon a wreck. I slowed right down but kept moving in a straight line forward. However, my head was firmly screwed to the right looking at all those feathers. She called it gawking! Whatever! Something got the two big chickens in the middle of the night. She wouldn’t let me go over there and really investigate. My Ben and I watch a lot of CSI and NCIS. We should have called them in. But I bet I could have figured it out if She had let me. Since it happened at night, Old Olive Oil couldn’t accuse me. Good thing too. Between you and me, those chicks were bigger than me and MEAN son’s of a hen. I wouldn’t try tangling with them unless they were messing with She. Whatever got them must have snuck up on them. I’m telling you they were big suckers. I’m kinda glad they are gone. Because of all the rain and all, the chick bar was still closed. So at least I didn’t get stuck this time with a big unpaid tab.
Man, I thought for a while I was gonna get assigned some night shifts. You know murder makes folks kinda edgy. But you know, I made it very clear that I don’t work nights. That is my time to be with She and Ben and watch TV. I’ll work everyday. But come 6:00 I need to have dinner and maybe if it is still light I’ll go back out for a bit but I don’t work nights. No sireee.
So now we are all moved. Things are settling down. The sun is out a lot so I have to watch the laundry get dry. And those cats are still all over the place.
And Richard’s chickens are visiting. Man alive, it’s chickens this and chickens that. Feed the chickens. Worry about where the chickens are. Put the chickens up for the night. Let the chickens out. She is all the time doing stuff with those chickens. And she lets them sit in her lap!!!!!! Really! But I do get some of their eggs.
They are pretty tasty. And there are lots of them.
Well, I guess that’s all. I am happy that it is Spring and has stopped raining. And I guess it is okay that we live downstairs now. She says I’ll get to spend more time outside. I’m thinking about changing where I sit. Maybe closer to our house… I don’t know. That would be making a change. I’ll have to think about it for a while longer.